23 Things That Go Through Your Head During A Massage

It’s supposed to be one of the world’s most relaxing experiences – at least it would be if your brain would just switch off.

With an hour of what should be utter bliss ahead, it seems that our minds revel in the opportunity to go into overdrive. But what goes through your head when you lie down on that lounger?

  1. Oh look, a massive questionnaire to fill in before we begin. How much could they possibly need to know about me? And I wonder is that broken arm when I was 11 relevant to the situation?DGInm9m
  2.  “Do you want your therapist to talk to you” – I don’t know, do I? I don’t want them to feel like they have to shut up, but do I really want a chat with my masseuse? I’ll just circle yes, and hope she’s the silent type.giphy1
  3. Ok forms are filled in, I’m in my robe and I’m feeling goooood! So what if I’ve been working at a desk all week, this is the end of all of my stress. My shoulders are going to feel amazing! Wooooo!anigif_enhanced-buzz-649-1368221752-0
  4. She’s left the room so that I can undress. Thank goodness I wore nice underwear!jennifer-lawrence-gif-2
  5. Ok i’m lying down now. But what do I do with my arms? By my side? Above my head? They just look like two big limp weights on either side of me. Maybe she’ll move them.Not-Sure-What-to-do-With-Hands-Talladega-Nights-Ricky-Bobby
  6. She’s come in with some of aromatherapy oil and she’s asking me to breathe it in, but all I can think about are how nice her shoes are. I wonder does she think about the fact that everyone will be staring at her feet when she chooses her shoes in the morning.Shoes
  7. Ok, I’ve breathed in my oils and she’s ready to begin… time to relax. Don’t think about anything stressful, least of all work.anigif_enhanced-4125-1404261206-20
  8. Crap, now I’m thinking about work. I should really be doing something productive. No, stop it, back to your massage.anigif_enhanced-buzz-10870-1379601994-7
  9. I’m starting to regret asking for medium pressure now. I wonder is it supposed to feel she’s gently stroking me? I’m a ‘no pain, no gain’ kind of girl, but I suppose she knows what she’s doing. But she did tell me to ask her for more pressure if I needed it…
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  10. “Can I have more pressure please?” There that feels better, now I’m in control. Time to relax again and switch off.Oprah_relaxin
  11. Ow, maybe I shouldn’t have asked for so much pressure. AGHH that hurts! It feels like an army of men are stomping over my shoulders. But I can’t tell her that I’ve changed my mind, that would be rude.cjin4
  12. “Is that pressure still ok for you?”… “Yes great,” I reply, through gritted teeth. Definitely stick to medium pressure in future.
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  13. Oh that feels good! She’s just hit that knot that has been bothering me for days. Now this is more like the thing. I wonder could she just keep doing that for the rest of the massage
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  14. Now we’re into the groove. I’m enjoying it now. This is what I was excited for. Tense shoulders be gone!
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  15. She’s moved up to my neck now. Would it be rude to tell her to keep those aromatherapy oils out of my new haircut, because I’m going out for drinks later? Maybe it would. Nevermind then.anigif_enhanced-15774-1396019332-1
  16. “Turn over please” – wait, what? This is a full body massage?? But I can’t remember when I shaved my legs!!Do my legs feel prickly?
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  17. Oh hell, I think the last time I shaved my legs was Wednesday. Welcome to the Amazon rainforest, dear friend! But it’s practically winter, nobody shaves their legs then. Do they?tumblr_static_shave_my_legs
  18. Well at least the traumatising of the massage is over. Apart form the prickly situation I mean. My shoulders actually feel the better of all that pressure. Maybe I made the right decision after all. But she’s back to that light loosey-goosey massage technique again… should I ask for more pressure on my arms and legs too? No, quit while you’re ahead.funny-gif-corgi-massage
  19. Damn, between complaining about the pressure and thinking about my beastly unshaved legs, I haven’t relaxed AT ALL. I’m wasting this massage. I need to relax. Right. Now is the time. Chilled out, relaxing thoughts.tumblr_lv2i4pJ82o1qfw7xto1_500 
  20. Relaxing, relaxing, relaxing. Wait, did I lock my car? I’m nearly sure I did. But did I? Forget the car, you’re getting a massage!anigif_enhanced-4756-1404261039-14
  21. Oh no, she’s back to the head again, except this time it’s the front. I’m really enjoying this, but what about my new hairdo? It’s definitely going to need washed now, but she’s been doing it for so long that I can’t possibly tell her to stop.anigif_enhanced-24771-1395631879-10
  22. Oh? It’s over already? But I haven’t even had time to not think about anything. Now she’s leaving the room so I can relax for another few minutes before she attempts to ply me with expensive products. Of course, NOW my brain is switching off. Maybe she won’t come back for a while.anigif_enhanced-11542-1404247875-1
  23. Aww she’s back. But she does have strawberry sorbet.tumblr_n579ca3xFn1qf7149o4_250I suppose there’s a silver lining to everything. And she says that I need to come back in another four weeks. Maybe I’ll relax next time, now I know what to expect. Then again, maybe not…
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